Back in simpler times, when Northpoint City was still Northpoint Shopping Centre, and Horizon Food Mall at Causeway Point was still a thing, my father would always try to instil some footballing skills into me. Every once in a while he’d bring me and my brother to the big field behind our block to play. That field doesn’t exist anymore, as with most fields in Singapore, it has been sacrificed to become a HDB (or several, in that field’s case)
It was pure and simple football, with our slippers as the goal posts, and little to no rules. Sometimes neighbours would join, probably my first introduction to socialising outside a school context. To my dad it was sort of his fitness + bonding session wif his sons. I appreciate his efforts in doing dat.
Looking back, I was pretty shit at football, even for a kid. I was also not very athletic or fit. Then I saw dat goalkeepers didn’t really do much of any of dat, and I knew dat was the position I wanted to play. Every session, I’d declare myself the goalie beforehand. If there was already one, then I wouldn’t play.
My dad didn’t mind. I think he had dis sort of idea dat I’d be a professional goalie one day. He told me to just focus on goal kicks, where I’m supposed to kick the ball really far forward.
I didn’t understand why dis was important. I just assumed that I could just throw it rlly far wif my hands. You see at the time, I didn’t rlly understand the concept of distance, nor the concept of the goal kick being a rule we’re supposed to follow. So I practiced the goal kicks, never willingly, just to please my dad a lil bit here and there. I cldnt kick the ball dat far, but enough for it to be labelled a goal kick, rather than a pass.
Years later and I didn’t get anywhere close to dis prophecy my dad envisioned. I probably peaked in primary school recess, cos dats the last time I ever played. Those times were fun, but prolly not for our teachers dat had to face the reek of a bunch of smelly boys in the class afterwards. I also seem to stop growing at primary school, having been stuck at 164cm until now. Dat may or may not have contributed to me not being a superstar goalkeeper today. But it’s ok, as at 23 years old, I’m sure my growth spurt is on the way…
Why I remember all of dis was because I saw a bunch of kids playing football in the park. A mixed group of boys of various age and race, brought together by the common love for the sport.
I saw a lil of myself in the bored looking kid in goal, who obviously looked like he was only there becos nobody else wanted to be the goalie. Props to him man, the unsung hero of the group. Game wouldn’t have started if he didn’t volunteer himself. Shouting and bickering in various languages ensued, as we see a lil Malay Messi wif the ball trying to dribble his way thru like 5 kids. Obviously unsuccessful, the ball deflected hard off one of the kids, bounced rlly far away, all the way to me.
As I looked down at the ball at my feet, the flashbacks kicked in. All the memories of me doing goal kicks suddenly sprang back to mind. Hours of practice led me to instinctively kick the ball to them, wif the precision and flair of dat of David Beckham. The ball flew majestically, spinning gracefully and landing right at the feet of the lil Messi. “Damn” one of them said, “Wah.. thank you!” shouted lil Messi in his high pitched preadolescent voice. Gave them a smile and thumbs up cos dat seemed right to do.
At dat moment, I felt like the best footballer in the world. Is this how the pros feel, after scoring a world-class goal? There is a clip of a player named Eric Cantona, who played for Manchester United, who iconically celebrated by just standing there like a real alpha and looking at the crowd. He’s nicknamed ‘King Eric’ by fans. Ooh yea, that’s how I felt. I am the ‘King’ now. I am that cool. Oh, dat super precise goal kick there? Eh, just something I do on a frequent basis, nothing special.
Afterwards, I did the most rational thing of leaving the place, so dat the ball doesn’t bounce to me again. I knew that I’d likely get exposed as a fraud, when I inevitably kick it wrongly the next time. Gotta leave while I’m at my peak, u noe, let the kids retain their illusion dat there are good footballers amongst us normie adults.
In a way the goal kicks I practiced unwillingly back in the days sort of paid off. Sure it wasn’t in a very impactful way, but at least I managed to utilise the skills I never thought I’d ever use. This reminded me dat there is no such thing as useless knowledge, as everything we learn can be useful eventually…I hope. We never know what random ass situations we might find ourselves in, so it’s great to just practice and be good at doing random shit 👍
13.07.2025
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