In English football, players coming in from different leagues abroad wld sometimes get criticized for being too slow, or lack the physicality to do well in England.
I always take a weird liking to those players, becos sometimes I feel like someone meant for Eredivisie or sum shit, forced into a Premier League world.
One thing I tend to struggle wif is finding the right things to say in social situations. I always need a few seconds to process what people say, and then a few more seconds to construct something, before I’m able to conjure something out of my mouth. It’s just dat there’s so many things in my mind all the time, dat it takes a while to extract the relevant information out.
Even then, it doesn’t always come out right, and sometimes gets perceived the wrong way…
Dis has been a weakness of mine since I was growing up. I’ve always lacked the ability to confidently start and sustain conversations wif ppl, as I was afraid of messing up.
When speaking to adults especially, like my parents and teachers, I remember struggling significantly. The fact dat I was speaking to someone of authority, added even more anxiety. It often led to me getting into trouble as they got pissed dat I cldn’t speak to them “naturally”.
There were ofc some ppl I cld comfortably talk to. Those ppl were the ones dat seemed “safe” to me (u noe, like Ms Jing), so I was more trusting of them to understand the messy attempts at sentences I was trying my best to word out.
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Nowadays, if I’m willing to sit with you to talk, it likely means I trust u, and am comfortable being myself around u ☺️.
To most other ppl outside dat small minority, it is likely dat they see me as abit of an airhead. While dat might not necessarily be false, I hope they know I’m at least trying to be better…
Up til now, I still dun rlly trust my ability to speak well on the spot. Things like eye contact, cutting myself off, and not using my own silly, made-up terminologies, are still things I have to actively take note of and try to do.
I am quite animated though. In fact, I might be much better at expressing my thoughts thru cartoon-ish movements rather than words. Might be all the Mr Bean and Power Rangers I watched growing up (where they have to act thru their suits…)
But dis lack of confidence wld probably continue to be a problem as I continue being an adult. And I dun think being animated is appreciated in a professional setting…
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Certain modules have Q&A sessions, where random questions related to it are thrown at u, and u just try ur best to answer based on whatever knowledge u have. Dats one way of building such skills in us.
While dis shld be a real struggle, I work around it by essentially memorising every possible answer for questions dat may likely pop up. I then pretend to say it like it’s instinctive, even though it’s most definitely not. I feel das the only way I can do it well…
Besides dat, I oso do my best to acquire knowledge on various random topics. Dat way, it’s easier for me to yap, as I am familiar wif the content. I just have to pretend I dunno too much abt whatever new fixation I’ve learnt abt…
Dis is especially useful when making small talks, as I won’t seem so awkward and at a loss for words.
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I envy those who speak fluently and confidently. Ppl like cr1tikal and Cole Hastings are rlly cool. They always seem so competent…
… But then again, there are oso loads of ppl who think they’re smart, just cos they use big words and speak loudly. Those ppl, I dun envy so much….if at all.
I only wish I cld switch our self-confidence levels, so I’d talk a lil better… while they’d stfu…
29.01.2026
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