{ Flowers }

14th of February marks Valentine’s Day. I am spending it alone ofc, as per usual.

Being 23 and having never been in a relationship in any way, sorta makes you wonder if you’re going about dis whole life thing correctly.

But I rlly only have myself to blame for dat, up to dis point. And honestly, I dun rlly feel too bad, hehe. I’m not exactly keen on forcing a relationship for the sake of it. I enjoy the liberty of being able to be myself 😁.

Ofc, there have been crushes (which my virgin-ass does not noe how to escalate). But those feelings tend to wear off once I sense mismatch. Idk if dats a good thing or not, but part of me is starting to think I’m a tad bit too judgemental. It’s like I’m closing putting too much restrictions on access to my inner world.

But I think dats being worked on. Writing on dis blog helps with dat ☺️

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Changes has oso taken place in my attitude towards dis whole thing.

My brother and his partner seem to enjoy buying flowers for each other. Whether it’s out of courtesy or societal expectations, dat’s between them. But there’ll always be flowers.

He’s rarely home, but I share a room wif him. So, I see those flowers everyday. It’s oso sometimes conveniently placed rite beside my bed. If I didn’t noe any better, it’d seem like he’s rubbing it in my face. I wld be lying if I said there was no envy, even if just a lil bit…

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But staring at those flowers at night makes me think abt certain things. I’d think abt my fondness for flowers, and how special it’d probably feel to be receiving some. I’d oso think abt how nice it’d be to be the one giving them.

More significantly, it’s the thought of putting the effort in to buy such an excessively large bouquet, for the sole purpose of presenting it to ur partner and making them happy. It’s not exactly the most convenient thing to be doing, and the costs seem to outweigh the benefits. But they do so anyway.

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And then my imagination does its thing. I’ll imagine myself having a slightly unpleasant day. Like having a migraine in the morning, accidentally pissing off the wrong ppl and getting some earfuls in the afternoon, followed by getting splashed by a passing car over a puddle on the way home…

But as I meet my imaginary partner, I force a goofy-ass smile and tell her some witty remark abt how my day wasn’t the best. I wouldn’t wanna stress her out after her long day of work as a…. hmmm 🤔… something cool and wholesome…..  probably like a kindergarten teacher, maybe…?

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Anyways, instead of panicking at my state of disarray, she just goes “aiyo“, expressing concern in a collected manner. And then follows up wif a silly comment dat keeps things wholesome. Becos she knows me so well, including the fact dat I hate making ppl worry abt me…

And dat makes my smile turned from forced to genuine, and gets me feeling all warm and fuzzy 🥰. 

And I noe dat, me being me, dat specific kind of care wld be like, instant motivation to be a fierce noona-protecting dongsaeng, fueled by love 💗❤️‍🔥. Becos no matter how bad things get, (ahem, lemme use the voice of Robbie Williams for the next couple of lines…)

…I know dat life won’t break me. 

When I come to call, she won’t forsake me.

And thru it alllllllll, I’ll offer her protection. 

A lot of love and affection, whether she’s right or wrong.

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Essentially, the act of giving and receiving seem to be a fulfilling approach in looking at how a relationship works. Being able to personally support someone while having them have ur back specifically, sounds very intriguing to me. More than it’s ever been before.

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But as of now, I will retain my place as a flower-deprived, Robbie-Williams-loving man 👍.

14.02.2026